Workplace Communication and Your Listening Skills
One of the most important, yet overlooked, workplace communication skills is listening. Many people fancy themselves excellent listeners and then spend the majority of their day talking over their co-workers. Our workplaces aren’t designed to promote listening, and consequently, we spend the majority of our time talking past each other and picking up the pieces after things fall apart.
Here are some behaviors practiced by excellent listeners:
1. They let others talk.
2. They nod and encourage the other person to keep talking.
3. They lean forward and look friendly and interested.
4. They avoid thinking about the next thing they want to say and let the other person speak instead.
5. They try not to think of how they can argue, rebut or challenge the other person’s points.
6. When the other person is done talking, they ask open-ended questions to help people expand on what they’re saying.
7. They let others talk.
Expert listeners do most of these things most of the time. Genuinely listening means listening attentively and trying to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling as well as paying close attention to the other person’s demeanor and body language. It also includes asking open-ended questions that help the other person talk more rather than offering them solutions, advice or opinions.
As you practice these skills you’ll learn a lot about your co-workers and get to know them on a deeper level. Try having some conversations where you just nod, you’ll be amazed at how weird it feels at first but how well it works in the long run. What will you do to improve your workplace communication through listening?
Take care,
Guy
Workplace Communication: Rude Boss
Question
I work for a small company where my boss is constantly saying rude things to people and puts them down. This makes everyone feel negative and makes a workplace that’s not very pleasant to work at. Do you have any ideas of what can be done to change this?
Answer
One of the biggest workplace communication challenges is when the boss communicates in a way that’s demeaning or negative. You can’t really change someone else’s behavior but you can try some things to take care of yourself and others while working toward improving the situation:
- Suggest some workplace communication training for everyone, including the boss. Stress positive results of the training such as improved productivity, better morale or higher profits. Training everyone at once takes the spotlight off your boss and gives you all the opportunity to learn how to communicate positively while helping everyone be on the same page.
- If your boss is resistant to participating in group training, keep planting seeds. Mention the benefits of training at frequent intervals. At first, he or she may be resistant, but over time he/she may come around.
- Model excellent communication skills. Talk with your co-workers and employees in a respectful, kind way to set the example of what positive communication looks like.
- Take care of yourself, your co-workers and your employees. Just because the boss behaves negatively doesn’t mean you have to buy in to it. Treat the people around you well and take care of each other. Practice positive communication skills with each other and support one another.
- Have a series of calm and kind conversations where you talk about communication from your personal perspective. Talk in terms of what you think and feel is going on without focusing on him or her, just mention ideas you have about positive communication in the workplace. Use the word “I” instead of “You.”
- Re-focus your perspective. Realize that you can’t control how the boss behaves but you can take care of yourself, your co-workers and employees.
- Think about your long-term goals. While not everyone can immediately change careers, a rude boss or toxic workplace can help you decide what kind of workplace you want to work in. It’s beneficial and healthy to find a niche where you feel valued and respected. There are workplaces out there where people talk positively to each other.
Bosses don’t always know how communicate effectively so they practice what they know. Even though you can’t change how your boss behaves, you can make sure you take care of yourself and the people around you and set the tone for how you communicate. Remember that the way your boss communicates has nothing to do with you, it’s just what he or she knows how to do.
Take care,
Guy
Workplace Communication: Boss Makes Last-Minute Demands
Question
Guy:
We have a situation where our boss makes last minute demands that throw a wrench into our work or make us change direction unexpectedly. Many employees have mentioned this habit of his and it creates a lot of instability. People literally aren’t sure if they should finish their current project for fear of what might come up right before a deadline. What can we do to curb these last minute demands?
Answer
One of the biggest workplace communication challenges is getting everyone on the same page. What one person considers perfectly acceptable is often a nightmare for someone else. Not all leaders understand the impact of their communication style on their colleagues and employees. There are some practical things you can do on your end to move the situation in a more manageable direction:
- As your projects are in progress, check in with him every day before the deadline to see what he’s thinking.
- Create a framework where you can more readily modify your work to accommodate changes.
- Tell yourself and your colleagues that things will be changing and expect it as part of the process. Expect the unexpected.
- Put together a workplace communication training (include the boss) to help everyone learn how to communicate proactively, clearly and directly. Topics might include being proactive, planning, listening skills, being attentive to others and problem solving.
- Have a series of conversations where you talk with your boss about what works best for you communication-wise. Keep the conversations low-key and friendly and talk only in terms of your experience, not what he does.
- Design a communication flow chart and share it with everyone. Highlight what works well to create an efficient and productive work environment.
- Take some extra time up front with the boss when he gives directives. Flesh out what he’s thinking by asking open-ended questions and listening carefully. Ask clarifying questions to get more information. The idea is for all the people involved to work together to get the idea as concrete and well thought-out as possible at the beginning to reduce the amount of last-minute changes.
Try these ideas and you’ll eventually develop a new way of dealing with the situation. The key to effective workplace communication is to make sure everyone is on the same page in order to reduce the amount of surprises that come along.
Take care,
Guy
Workplace Communication – People Won’t Listen
Question
Hello Guy. I have a situation at work where it seems like everything I say goes in one ear of my employees and out the other. They don’t seem to retain information and it’s almost like I never said it. I have to constantly repeat myself and it’s hit or miss even then. Is there any way to get people to listen better or are they just a lost cause?
Answer
While there are some people who have difficulty processing information, for the most part individuals are able to retain information if it matters to them in some way and if it’s delivered in a way that engages them. One of the keys of effective workplace communication is to communicate in a way that asks for feedback and checks in with people to see what their level of understanding is. You might try an approach like this for example:
- Say what you need to say briefly.
- Pay attention to your body language, avoid getting in people’s space or looking aggressive or angry.
- Use a calm, friendly, approachable tone of voice.
- Ask the person to repeat what they heard you say. Make sure to ask in a kind and calm way.
- Listen to what they say and make adjustments if necessary. Be patient at all times.
- Ask if they need any additional information or help.
- Thank them for their time.
- Praise them when the task is done.
The idea in positive workplace communication is to create a two-way dialogue between people where you say what you need to and they are encouraged to give input, feedback or ask questions. The more open the interaction is, the more involved the other person will feel. It can be helpful to think in terms of the two of you working together to solve the same challenge, you’re both part of the same team and you both have something to offer.
Take care,
Guy
Workplace Communication – Angry Customer
Question
Guy,
We have situations in our workplace (we deal heavily with the public) where one of our customer service associates will be dealing with an angry and often irate customer. We’ve implemented customer service training over the years when employees are hired. We experience problems face to face and over the phone. What can be done when customers get angry or to help our associates deal with someone who is irrational?
Answer
Effective workplace communication is about practicing positive behaviors in even the most challenging situations. Customers want to be heard and feel like what they have to say is important. This doesn’t mean that they’re right, just that they have the basic need to feel valued. I’ve found it helpful to think of interactions with challenging customers as opportunities to connect with them rather than get into conflict.
Conflict is inevitable in any workplace but you can do some things to make interactions more positive. You might try the following ideas which can help you defuse even highly contentious situations:
- Listen to the person as long as it takes them to talk. Show genuine concern, caring and interest in what they are saying.
- Don’t react, defend or fight back in any way.
- Don’t take things personally. Most irate customers are working out their own issues, it just happens that they decided to explode in your presence. Remember that these interactions aren’t about you, they’re about the customer and sometimes customers have no idea how to interact positively with customer service people.
- Don’t explain what your policies are or refer him or her to your handbook or website.
- When the person is done talking, acknowledge that he/she has a point. Ask him if he has any other concerns.
- Only when the person is done talking, ask if he would like to brainstorm some ideas of what can be done about the situation. If he agrees, then you both can offer possible solutions. If he doesn’t agree then move to then ask the customer what he would like to see done about the situation and only offer your ideas if he asks for them.
- Do your very best to follow through on whatever idea comes up, regardless of your rules or policies.
- Keep listening.
- Keep your tone of voice and demeanor calm.
- Breathe.
- Be compassionate and caring.
A lot of customer service interactions fall apart because one person gets mad and then the other reciprocates. This creates a back-and-forth cycle that rarely helps the people involved work together to find a mutually acceptable solution. The ideas we’ve talked about here will help your employees remain calm while still being engaged and helpful and allow them to practice effective workplace communication.
Take care,
Guy
Workplace Communication – Co-Worker’s Indifference
Question
Hello Guy,
I’m a very self-aware person, to a fault. So I am sensitive to behaviors around me. That being said, I work in a food service job part-time this year in between switching schools (I am a teacher). I love the easy-going atmosphere, I get along with most of the staff, too! First of all, I am the oldest worker there (almost 30) and the rest are young college kids. This gap has not stopped me from getting along with the others, but there is one person who I can’t seem to get through to. This young girl is 19 and from what I have observed, she’s very inexperienced and rather vacuous. She unconsciously avoids working. I say this because she’s not rude or direct about it – she just avoids work! She is constantly eating on the job, even when we’re slammed. I will ask her to do something and she is hesitant about it but then does it. When I suggest something be done (to help us close earlier) she ignores it, and/or says, “I wonder what I should get to eat”. It’s like, if I don’t just tell her, it won’t get done. This bothers others at work too, BUT I am so in tune with it to the point of it being a buzzing mosquito! The rest of them are more “whatever” about it. I also feel that I appear differently to her than I view myself, because she makes comments like “you seem irritated today” or in response to sharing stories about our days she says, “maybe you just need to relax”. I am sad that I am coming off to her as this wound-up, irritated person because I do not feel I exhibit that non-verbal vibe. What should I do to squash these feelings?? We all physically work really close together as a unit and we rely on one another often, this is not just a passing-in-the-hall relationship. It’s almost excruciating being around her anymore!
Also – as a side note – being a teacher, I have worked in professional environments, dealt with MUCH worse, and even experienced harsh coworkers. Why does the subtle indifference of this young girl irk me more than all the past experiences?!
Answer
It’s remarkable how something that irks one person greatly doesn’t seem like much to another. It often happens because people have different triggers and ascribe different meanings to others’ behaviors based on their own experiences and points of view. From a workplace communication perspective you might consider taking some time to ask yourself a few questions to clarify what’s going on and what you want to do next, such as:
- What is it specifically that bothers me about this person’s behavior? What part of it is about them and what part of it is about things going on inside me?
- What am I doing to center myself when the other person sets me off?
- What have I done up to now that has gotten me the results I want and what might I do differently?
- What things motivate her to work well?
- What can I do to set up a safe atmosphere where we can communicate openly and positively?
As you ask yourself questions like these you’ll have a better idea of how you can move forward positively. The key in effective workplace communication is to find a way that you and she can talk about things without power struggles or confrontation. You might find it helpful to ask her open-ended questions (avoid directives or suggestions) about what she might enjoy doing. Think in terms of finding ways to encourage her to talk about what she would like to do and how she can contribute. It’s also helpful to listen to her and show her that it’s safe to talk about things and that she’s respected. The goal is to build rapport together over time and find a communication style that works for both of you.
Take care,
Guy
Workplace Communication – Supervisor Doesn’t Include Us
Question
We’ve got a supervisor who never includes people in important conversations or decision-making. People are intentionally left out of the loop and things happen without anyone really knowing what’s going on. It throws everyone off and people are frustrated. Is there any way to talk to our supervisor to change what they’re doing?
Answer
A lot of supervisors have a difficult time practicing effective workplace communication and allowing other people to be part of the decision-making process. It often happens because they haven’t practiced how to let go of the need to control things and trust their employees. You can influence the situation by offering educational opportunities and setting a positive example.
You might consider putting together some training opportunities where the whole group learns how to communicate openly and practice skills like two-way communication and collaboration. Teach everyone at once so no one feels singled out or put on the spot. Keep practicing the new skills until you’re all proficient.
You can also set a positive example of how to communicate openly and share responsibility. Encourage employees and co-workers to share information and work together so that the supervisor can see how it’s done. Focus on practicing helpful, collaborative behaviors. The idea is to slowly build a culture where information is shared rather than hoarded and bring hesitant people along by showing them that there is a beneficial alternative.
Take care,
Guy
Workplace Communication – Inappropriate Comment
Question
A supervisor of ours made an inappropriate comment to another employee. Their communication has never been that good. It’s getting to the point where we’re concerned about what might happen next. What can be done to improve the way these two employees talk? Their jobs require close contact and they can’t be split up because of their experience in their positions.
Answer
A lot of workplace communication difficulties arise because someone says something that they don’t realize is inappropriate. There are some things you can do from an effective communication perspective to help you improve the way these employees interact and assist them in forging a more positive relationship.
Step 1: Help Them Talk with Each Other
- Set up some conversations between the two with a third, neutral facilitator present.
- Allow one person 5-10 minutes to share his or her version of events.
- Ask the other person to listen without interrupting or rebutting.
- Have the other person share his or her version in 5-10 minutes.
- Ask the other person to listen.
Step 2: Help Them Find a Solution
- Ask each person what he or she could have done differently. Allow each to share for up to five minutes without being interrupted.
- Ask each person what he or she is willing to do to improve the situation.
What you’re trying to do during this process is have the people involved experience communicating in a respectful and open way. I’d recommend repeating step 1 several times until it’s apparent to the facilitator that both individuals are able to communicate without conflict. Then move on to step 2.
Remember that this is an ongoing process to teach people respectful workplace communication, not a one-shot event. You might also think about doing this type of exercise with all your employees so that they all are on the same page.
Take care,
Guy
Workplace Communication Advice – The Gatekeeper
Question
What do we do with an employee who blocks things from happening and complicates simple job tasks? This person thinks he’s doing a good job but really limits everyone else’s ability to execute. He requires everyone do go the extra mile but he doesn’t do it. It’s like nothing happens when he’s involved or something has to go through him. He also talks rudely to everyone. What can we do?
Answer
It can be challenging to work with someone who behaves in ways that negatively affect the work flow. I often call this type of person the gatekeeper, because nothing happens without their approval. Here are some workplace communication ideas to help you encourage him to move in a more collaborative direction:
- Model positive behaviors, act the way you would like to see him act.
- Praise him when he behaves positively.
- Don’t get into arguments or power struggles with him.
- Look for ways to train the person on how to communicate openly, share information and collaborate with others.
- Find ways to structure his position so his actions don’t bottle up the system.
- Always talk calmly and kindly with him, with an eye toward working together to find solutions.
What frequently happens in workplaces is that a gatekeeper is put into a position where he or she is able to block movement. We set them up for failure because we assign them duties they don’t know how to handle without creating roadblocks. You might want to set yourself and him up for success by having him use his skills and abilities in a way that benefits your workplace.
One positive way to determine where he will be most helpful is to practice effective workplace communication and have a series of conversations where you listen to him and learn about his ideas, talents and abilities. This will give you the opportunity to offer him training or work with him to restructure his job duties to play to his strengths.
Take care,
Guy
Workplace Communication Advice – Not On the Same Page
Question
Hello Guy. We have a good team and for the most part we get things done efficiently. We’ll occasionally have a tough time with one or two people who never are on the same page. No matter how many times we tell them what to do, they don’t listen and so they’re not on the same page. Reprimands don’t seem to have any effect either. Any suggestions?
Answer
There are some practical things you can do to promote effective workplace communication and help everyone be on the same page, for example:
- Set yourself up for success by talking to the person when he (or she) is able to listen and understand what you’re saying without distractions or interruptions.
- Tell the person in a friendly tone of voice what you want him to do. Make it as brief and explanation-free as possible.
- Ask the person to repeat the information back to you.
- If you need to make any corrections, do so in a calm and kind manner.
- Ask the person to repeat the information back to you.
- Repeat this interaction until you’re confident the person understands. Ask him if he has any questions or needs any additional support.
- Thank the person for his time.
- Follow-up by praising the person when he completes the task.
A lot of workplace communication difficulties occur because we assume that the other person understands information or views a situation the same way we do in our own minds. When you focus on making sure you both understand the information in the same way, you’ll be actively collaborating and you’ll increase the likelihood that the task will be completed favorably.
Take care,
Guy